Disagreements & Conflict Resolution
You will disagree with maintainers. Handle it well.
Common Disagreements
| Scenario | Example | How to Handle |
|---|---|---|
| Scope | "This PR is too large" | Negotiate or split |
| Design | "Use pattern X not Y" | Ask why, learn, adapt |
| Priority | "This isn't important" | Understand their perspective |
| Standards | "Code doesn't meet style guide" | Fix it or discuss |
The Escalation Ladder
Level 1: Clarification
"I don't understand why. Can you explain?"
Level 2: Discussion
"I see your point. What about [alternative]?"
Level 3: Second Opinion
"Can we get feedback from [other expert]?"
Level 4: Acceptance
"I disagree but I understand. Let's go with your approach."
Level 5: Stepping Away
"This won't work for me. I'll look for another project."How to Disagree
❌ Bad Way
"That's a terrible approach. You're wrong."✅ Good Way
"I understand your approach. I was thinking of [alternative]
because [reasoning]. What's your take on [concern]?"De-escalation Phrases
"Help me understand..."
"I might be missing context..."
"You're the maintainer, so..."
"I defer to your judgment..."
"Let me think about that..."
"You have a good point..."When to Step Back
- Maintainer is absolutely right
- You misunderstood the standards
- Personality clash is too strong
- Project values don't align
Graceful retreat earns respect.
Learn from Conflict
After disagreement:
- Understand why they disagreed
- Learn the underlying principle
- Apply it to future work
The goal isn't to win. It's to understand and move forward.